carpe diem

my nanna dying has made me realise a series of things.

1.when I find the courage to be strong, I need to remember her smiling through 12 years of illness.
2.I'm lucky to have never lost anyone like this before.
3.Grief is the worst pain I have ever felt, losing someone to the complete unknown.
4.My selfish behaviour has got got got got to stop. I missed out on her last moments, though this wasn't intentionally my choice (I didn't know they were visiting, but I can't be angry at my dad either) my constantly being out had some impact.
5.I should ask my surviving grandparents everything so I don't have this overwhelming sense of regret...

and finally, though this is what I hate the most. Times like this make you realise who really makes you better. I learnt this meant recreating the illusion of someone in my mind that died a longer time ago.

e=mc.sq

wearing something skimpy and getting hammered is no longer a solution.
though there is no real problem I believe a little tweaking is in order. I've made really bad decisions lately

time to get a job, pray to holier forces that I get in and dye my hair the colour of butternut squash^
(cue the hayley williams jibes)